You Are Not Becoming Less: How to Build a More Positive Attitude About Aging

Many women struggle to find peace with aging. From a very young age many of us have been taught to believe that our primary asset is our appearance. And when aging begins to influence our appearance in ways we don’t like, we can begin to question our value.

When we were young, adults would praise us for being pretty or cute while boys were complimented for being strong, smart, or brave. We grew up with toys like dolls and makeup kits when boys’ toys were focused on action, building, and navigating vehicles.

Over time those messages that tie our worth to our looks may lead us to:

Scrutinize every physical change.
Compare ourselves with younger women.
Assume our best opportunities are behind us.
Apologize for or hide our age.
Feel increasingly invisible.

What if feeling more positive about aging begins with changing the story we tell ourselves about it?

I learned many years ago that our experience of life is heavily influenced by the lens in which we view our life through. So, consider these tips for building a more positive attitude about aging:

Tip 1: Pay attention to the language you use about aging

Seemingly harmless statements can reinforce negative patterns of thinking. How many times have you found yourself saying:

“I’m too old for that.”
“Everything falls apart after 60.”
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.”
“My best years are behind me.”

I know that I have been guilty in the past of expressing some of those words, but as I have gotten into my 60’s I have proven to myself that those ideas can be challenged.

At 66, I am stronger physically than I’ve ever been. I started a new business, and I am constantly learning new things. I am excited about the years in front of me.

I’m simply encouraging you here to become aware of language that you choose so you don’t close doors before life has had a chance to open them.

Tip 2: Stop measuring today’s self against your younger self

I know how difficult it can be to not think less of yourself when things like wrinkles, belly fat, and varicose veins start appearing on your body that were non-existent when you were 30 or 40.

When I finally recognized that there was truly little more I could do about my new “flaws”, I became ready to accept what I could not change. I now see that my younger physical self is not the only standard of value.

If I catch myself going down that path, I’ll remind myself of:

The strength and wisdom I’ve gained through experience.
Things I understand now that I did not understand when I was 30, 40 or even 50.
The boundaries I’m now able to set to better manage my time and life.
The comfort I feel in being myself.
The peace that comes with not caring about what everyone thinks.

The goal is not to compete with the woman you once were, but to become deeply interested in the woman you are becoming.

Tip 3: Focus on what you can strengthen

When I embraced strength training at age 65, it changed not only my body, but also my perception of what was possible at my age.

Prior to that, I felt that aging was creating changes that I had no control over. Once I started taking action, I understood that I do have some control. As a result, I have been able to strengthen my:

Muscles
Balance and mobility
Relationships
Emotional resilience
Curiosity
Sense of purpose
Ability to make intentional choices

Tip 4: Be selective about the voices you allow to influence you

Notice whether the people and media that you surround yourself with reinforce fear or possibility.

Are you being fed messages which constantly emphasize illness, decline, smaller living, or lack of opportunity? Or are you being introduced to women who are growing, learning, leading, traveling, creating, and getting stronger?

This is not about avoiding reality. It is about making sure decline is not the only version of aging you are shown.

Tip 5: Keep giving yourself something to look forward to

A positive attitude is difficult to maintain when your life feels as though it is only getting smaller with the same scene day after day.

Having something to look ahead to can go a long way. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Sometimes the simplest of things can bring the most joy:

Sign up for that class you’ve been looking at.
Take a trip to a spot that has meaning to you.
Start training for a physical goal.
Arrange a gathering with some of your favorite people.
Take on a creative project that you can immerse yourself in.
Initiate a hiking date with the interesting woman you had coffee with.
Identify a personal challenge and start going for it.

You are never too old to give yourself something to look forward to.

Tip 6: See the gifts beyond “what could have been”

As we get into our 60s it’s not uncommon to carry disappointment about what did not happen the way we planned. Or regrets about decisions we made that took us on paths that we now are questioning. The one job we left for another, the relationship we invested in that ultimately hurt us, the dream we kept putting off that now seems unattainable.

It’s natural to feel let down when what you hoped for didn’t come to fruition. To develop a more positive attitude toward aging, grieve these missed expectations. But don’t lose sight of the meaningful experiences or insights you gained instead—and who you became as a result.

Tip 7: Become curious about who you might still become

This is the part that excites me most about aging. We’ve come to this point in our 60s and beyond with a boatload of rich experiences, skills, and wisdom. Rather than asking, “How do I hold on to the younger woman I used to be?”, consider these questions:

What part of me do I want to express more of?
What have I postponed long enough?
What kind of woman do I want to be five years from now?
What do I want my legacy to be?
What can I begin doing today that will make me feel more alive?

The difference between positivity and denial

Aging with a positive attitude doesn’t mean denying the impact of the natural process of aging. Having a positive attitude does not mean you:

Ignore grief
Dismiss concerns about your health
Pretend the physical changes that come with aging aren’t happening
Must feel happy every day
Not reflect upon the ups and downs of your life

Positive thinking means refusing to let the challenges that come in our later years become the entire definition of your life.

Your attitude about aging is a choice

You may not be able to control every change that comes with age. And you may not like many of those changes. But you can influence the meaning you give those changes, the choices you make in response to them, and the vision you continue to hold for your life.

A positive attitude about aging is not created by pretending you are still young.

In fact, recognizing that you are in your later chapters of life can provide a sense of urgency to embrace all the possibilities that may lie in front of you now.

Building a more positive attitude about aging is about changing how you measure your value. It requires you first to look honestly at how you perceive your changing body and mind.

As you consider putting these tips into motion, take a moment to reflect on these questions: